Talk:CP 05635/en

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Translating terms 'visqueux' and 'gluant'

I left the terms 'visqueux' and 'gluant' untranslated in this letter. Translations may confuse the reader (e.g. using adjectives such as sticky and gooey) and don't particularly add anything to the translation. Consequently, I didn't translate the passages in note 7. What do you think? Would an English translation be preferable? [Clang]

I completely agree that the original French words should be retained because he is talking about those specific words in the text. And they are easily understandable for non-French readers. But perhaps for complete clarity you could put "the word 'gluant' [sticky] had been replaced by the word 'visqueux' [gooey]". And maybe the longer passage in note 7 could be treated in the same way (quote the passage then include a translation in brackets). (Yorktaylors)

This is personal preference, but I prefer not to translate Monsieur to Mr or Madame to Mrs or Madam. "Cahier violet" is a well known phrase to Proust scholars, but not necessarily to the casual English reader. But I would suggest "violet exercise book" rather than "purple notebook" to differentiate between Proust's "cahiers" and "carnets". I always translate "cahiers" as exercise books and "carnets" as notebooks. (Yorktaylors)

Paragraph 4: "Au point de vue de la fatigue..." misses out "un instant". Maybe "not having complete faith in the proof"?

Note 2: "hadn't received section" -> "hadn't received the section", "the second proofs de " -> "the second proofs of". "the difference in 26 pages" - missing text - "the difference in 26 pages between the number announced here by Proust and the receipt by Mme Lemarié of '270 pages' (CP 04460; MP-GG, no. 57)"

Note 3: "(CP 04460 ;" -> (CP 04460;

Note 6: "plates 23 and 24" suggest "sheets 23 and 24". "but variant A" -> "but variant a." "p. « 410 »" -> "p. "410"". "plate “no. 27”" suggest "sheet "no. 27"" , "this plate" -> "this sheet", "plate “no. 28”" -> "sheet “no. 28”.

Note 8: "aviation inspectorate" - can we find a better translation of "l'inspection de l’aviation"? In WW1 the Royal Flying Corps had an "Aircraft Inspection Department" so whether or not that would be appropriate for the French airforce I don't know, but I think it sounds better. (Yorktaylors)

Thank you Yorktaylors for your thorough edit! I have incorporated the changes, including your stylistic recommendations for consistency (retaining Monsieur/Madame; cahier violet; the distinction between cahier/carnet). [Clang]

Are you comfortable with the translation "incorporating galley, second and third proof revisions" for "sans distinction de placards, deuxièmes, troisièmes". I had difficulty coming up with a fluid translation in English and I am concerned it might have changed the original meaning of the sentence. What do you think? [Clang]

My old dictionary gives "sans distinction" as "promiscuously"(!), "indiscriminately". So maybe you could say "a combination of", "a jumble of" or even "a mishmash of" instead of "incorporating"? (Yorktaylors)

Updated! Thank you. [Clang]

Using English translations of Proust's texts available on Project Gutenberg

I uploaded my own translations of the long passage ("Les merveilleuses ombres abritées...") and the short half-sentence ("Pendant tout ce retour, l’image...") in note 7. However, I note Scott Moncrieff's English translation of "A l'ombre des jeunes filles en fleur" is available online on Projet Gutenberg. Would this translation be preferable? I am unfamiliar with the copyright obligations of doing this. I had a quick look at the Completed Translations (to see what the procedure is for passages from Proust's texts) but could not find any notes that quoted large passages from Proust's texts. Could you please advise? [Clang]

Sorry I can't really answer that one. Nstrole should be able to advise. I think the Scott Moncrieff translation is out of copyright now though. If you do choose to use Scott Moncrieff's translation you should credit it of course. But your translation sounds fine anyway. (Yorktaylors)

Noted. Will leave my translation for the time being. [Clang]

Thank you for all your hard work, Clang and Yorktaylors! Your idea to use an already published translation is a good one, but I agree with Yorktaylors that keeping your translation is safest for this platform. I will update the Guidelines for Contributors if the Corr-Proust Wiki policy changes about long passages from Proust's texts.

I will mark this translation as completed. Clang, please be on the lookout for some more minor feedback later this week. [Nstrole]